I Wondered

I wondered
What it must be like
To never touch bottom.
To grasp with toes fatigued,
Cramped from groping,
Aching for a slice,
A sliver of
Foundation.

To feel the ease
Of a stance
Only to be knocked
Askew,
To be swept away into
A current of undoing.
To take a breath
And hold it
And believe
That somehow
You could become
Buoyant
And that bobbing,
Skimmering across the surface
Would do.
Would do just fine.
Though your belly
Ached
For a tether.

I wondered
What it must be like
To hope,
When the very word
Falls from a language
Your ears don't decipher,
Your tongue can't seem
To touch.
To sense
Hope
As a vapor
Tingling against
Skin
Smelling of faint
Ash.

I wondered
What it must be like
To know the poverty
Of your own
Soul.
To peer into the
Empty bowl
And gape at the
Residue,
The remains of
Something,
Hints
Like rice grains
Stuck to the side.
To pace,
To growl
For beauty,
Insight,
One sweet moment
Of feathered
Peace.

I wondered
These things
As I watched
My neighbor
Pull at her sweater,
A dangling thread
She twisted
Around her finger
And pulled;
Twisted
And pulled;
Twisted
And pulled.  


For those, or their loved ones, who struggle with Post Traumatic Stress or mental health issues.  

Lesion

There is a wound
gaping,
bare.
Lying
over there.

I thought
I covered you;
Smothered you with
salve;
Gauzed you well;
Removed your smell.

You seemed to
scab.
Get crusty brown,
Tight all around
the edges.

You blended in
To skin
Grown thin
With age,
And memories
Too soft
For touching.

But there you are
Lying bare
Over there.
So raw
And red
And moist.

How did
You
Come back
To life?

Lying bare
Over there?

Solicitous Passage

Ease me through
To the other side
Of me.

Carry me softly
Across the current
Of my heart.

But please...
oh please
Let me not drift
Into eddies.

Catch my wilted sail
With your breath;
Tack me against
Your wind.

If I must stand
Lashed to bow;
If gales must be
the compass...

Then take my helm.
Ease me through.
Carry me softly
Across the current
Of my heart.

Oh,
ease me through.

AMEN

Sometimes...
Sometimes I just don't want to be
the gracious woman
anymore.

I want to be
A tantrum-ing
Kicking
Arm-flailing
Screaming
Conniption-fitting
Child.

Sometimes
I weary of
Arm-patting
Hand-holding
Tissue-issuing
Hugging.

Alright...
Once again
I guess I'm supposed
To step aside
To let you move
To where you
need to be.

But this time...
This time
I will be
Noisy
About it.

I will knock over
The planter
Leap on the table
Strip off my clothes
Hold my breath
Stomp through the hall
Cuss
And spit
And yell
To high heaven.

Because sometimes...
Sometimes
That's the purest
Prayer.

A Walking Prayer for Richard Twiss

Walking south to you Grandfather, sweet wind of hope,
my mother the sea
rushes to my side and runs back,
rushes to my side and runs back;
whispers at my feet.

Ask, she says.

I cannot bargain with the Mighty One.

Ask, she says.

Each step a plea,
a drumbeat.
Each step a wail,
a laugh, a dance.
Each step a prayer.

I cannot bargain with the Mighty One.

You can struggle;
You can wrestle,
You can ask.

Each step a plea,
a drumbeat.
Each step a wail,
a laugh, a dance.
Each step a prayer.

Walking south to you Grandfather, sweet wind of hope,
I see a great tree
standing tall like a man
alone on a hill.

Feet still upon the path,
arms reaching to your face,
fingers strumming your sweet wind.
A tall tree,
a graceful tree,
a bold, piercing, laughing tree
standing lone on a hill.

Stretched
Between
Us
And You.

Each step a plea,
a drumbeat.
Each step a wail,
a laugh, a dance.
Each step a prayer.

Walking south to you Grandfather, sweet wind of hope,
I see my heart.
That I am selfish.
That I want his feet upon the path.
That I want to anchor his root.
That I have already forgotten
a tree never dies.

Each step a plea,
a drumbeat.
Each step a wail,
a laugh, a dance.
Each step a prayer.


February 2013: In memory of Richard Twiss -   https://www.facebook.com/RichardTwissLegacy

I Cannot Deny

I cannot deny
Intentional Love
Toward me
From without
From within

Experiential
Intentional
Love

Signifiers
Sometimes a whisper
Sometimes a shout
Heralds
A Truth
"Beloved."

Beyond knowing
Yet known
Beyond seeing
Yet seen
Beyond touching
Yet touched

From without
From within
We dance

Experiential
Intentional

Love
Toward
Me

God.

Ode To Muse

An invitation to surrender
To worship
To sacrifice, lay bare
the echoes.

The loft - a sanctuary
Surrounds me like a hug.
The writing table - an altar
Invites me to kneel.
Calls me to reverence
Beseeches me to spill out
To trust
Woos me to Truth.

I balk
Tremble
Toy
Sigh
Walk by you, touch you
Walk by you.
Sigh again.

You tap my shoulder
Whisper in my ear
"I will meet you there."

And I know "there"
Is the altar of my heart.
The place I fear
Because I am inadequate
Unsure
Confused
Unskilled
Mediocre
Simple
Over my head - way over my head.

And I know "there"
is the altar of the keyboard.
The place I fear
Because I am inadequate
Unsure
Confused
Mediocre
Simple
Over my head - way over my head.

But You say
"Yes, I know my dear.
That's the point."