My crowd would assume I must have had a roaring drunk moment in my youth, or that I am a loose woman prone to impulsiveness, not giving much thought to permanence.
But my tattoo is not a novelty. It is holy ground. It was etched by one worth dying for; it symbolizes one worth living for. It hails a four year old child, my grandson Parker, who died two years ago from a tragic fall from a two story window.
My son and I were stunned in grief. I needed a way to touch that place; to touch it together with him. We had danced around his profession, a tattoo artist. I had come to accept his artistry and vocational community, but I hadn't yet found a way to embrace it that said, "bless you my son."A few days after Parker's death, steeped in sorrow, aching the loss of my grandchild and the brokenness of my son, I found the touching place. Stroking the inside of my wrist, I knew I had found the place to meet my son, the place to connect in a combination of ink, tears, and hearts.
He designed it for me; he etched it as we clung together in love and loss, remembering a precious little boy who giggled his way into our lives and left his mark in our souls.
Yes; I am scarred with an eternal stain - the stain of Holy love.
Bless you my son(s).
3 comments:
Deeply tender. Troubling, but mysteriously comforting. Thank you.
Psalm 56:8--"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not written in Your book?" God seems to mimic (no mock) you: He appreciates your wandering and tossing about; He treats your tears as shared, sacred treasures; and He writes His own narratives about each of us in our defense.
So, why does love leave scars? No sure, but you've helped me come to understand that a little better.
Correction: "not" mock
I found your Blog a week or two ago, curious I guess. I spoke with Matt a while back and he had said that you had a blog, it wasn't until now I felt I could actually find it.
I am not all that surprised that you got a tattoo, seems fitting.
You may or may not know but in the time since my preious little man left this world I have found my way back to my Heavenly Father and have thrown myself into church and feel so close to Parker. It's a wonderful feeling.
I also have teamed up with some wonderful people and started a task force to end window falls, not just here in oregon but Nation wide. This has helped me in so many ways, though each time I speak to a room full of people I relive that day, but I find it's no different than any other day. I will always carry the visions of that day with me. I wish you well Carol
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